yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
