the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
