u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
