Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.