I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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