wrigley field is MILF paradise
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.