ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
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My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
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Found the puke drawer
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?