Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.