make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
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Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.