Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.