I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize