she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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