I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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