Having a random hookup so left but love u
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
