the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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