Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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