do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize