I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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