he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
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Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.