What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I smell stomach acid.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it