gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Actions speak louder than pants.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.