Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day