We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.