Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.