i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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