she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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