It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize