please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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