You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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