After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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