I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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