So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
