angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
