he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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