I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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