I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize