So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
