Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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