You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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