you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You may now shotgun with the bride
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
