tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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