idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
