My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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