So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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i now understand why vodka
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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