I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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