So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
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I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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