There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.