I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
