I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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