forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
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I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
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It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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