hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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