woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
