Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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