I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's never too late to be topless.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize