There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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