I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
