Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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