he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
