it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My life is pants optional.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
