why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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